Hm, how a bout a new year’s resolution that you work together on getting engaged and resolving any issues?

Asking that you write everything down sounds loaded to me because , well, it’s what you want her to do and you don’t have a corresponding problem, so it’s sort of you telling her what to do in disguise. At least it might feel that way to her.
I think there’s a bigger discussion here. Can you two have a ‘non-date’ night, hire a sitter to take the kids somewhere, give you some space to work?
Right now this is *your* burning issue. To get from here to “what do we need to build *OUR* future together” is going to take both of you talking about what you want.